Short jokes
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
If I die, delete my search history.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
what is the fastest country? iran.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."