Short jokes
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Because that’s the only love they get.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Society: :-)
I: :')
Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')
I: :'D
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.