Short jokes
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Bend over and spell run.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Yeah, I'm made out of DNA.
✨ Depression and anxiety ✨
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.