Short jokes
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
Twin Tower jokes are funny because they are dead.
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Bin Laden was the hide and seek champion for 10 years, 2001-2011.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!