Short jokes
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
Damn bro, are you Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cuz you be lookin AuTiSTiC.
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.