Short jokes
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
A depressed boy went to high five a tree, guess what the tree did?
The tree left him hanging.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.