Short jokes
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
A depressed boy went to high five a tree, guess what the tree did?
The tree left him hanging.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.