Short jokes
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
Damn bro, are you Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cuz you be lookin AuTiSTiC.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.
It worked.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.