Short jokes
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.