Short jokes
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams.
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
What do you call a high school student?
Alone and depressed.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.