Short jokes

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.

I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?

They never get old.

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.

Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.