Short jokes
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.