Short jokes

I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.

Why Satan didn't stop sending messages to God about hell?

'Cause they made a juice out of him.

Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Your forehead is so big, even Galactus says, "Wow, that's big!"

You're so ugly Bob the Builder cat can fix you.

"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."

Being in a band without a pencil is as easy as reading snare drum music.

What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?

Hot Wheels.

What is a skeleton’s favorite singer?

Pelvis Presley.

Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,

one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just hacked the "chrime."

I'm about to say this but.....

*whentheimposterissus*

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

Vaseline

Q. When is your grandfather's bedtime?

A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol

Why do cheetahs always get 100 on a test?

They’re cheetahs!