Short jokes
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.
It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
What did the mincrater do when his Xbox turns off?
He raged! 😱
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
Why was I angry on my plane? Because I read these stupid 9/11 jokes.
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
Taylor.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
Dear NASA, your mom thought I was big enough.
–Pluto.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.