Short jokes
My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"
I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? His left shoulder.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite robot? Him as his shoulder/wheelchair.
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
What did they find on Chris Rock's face? Fresh prints.
These are just plain wrong jokes.
Why did Stephen die so early?
He didn't use long lasting batteries.
I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.
Why did the impostor vent... to get to the other side?
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
Poor guy really needs some space.
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
What do you call a disabled person that can walk?
Enabled.
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
I'm the joke 😈😈😈 HAHHAHAAHHAHA Delilah my kitten meow meow to the woof woof.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!