Short jokes
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To get to the curry shop.
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
What do you call sex?
Making cake.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
"Nahtzee"
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost WiFi connection.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
Ehhhhhhhh.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!