Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
Short Jokes
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
Bully: You are a piece of shit.
Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?
A sad news story.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?
'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
5+2 = 7
But 4+3 also = 7
So take your own path.
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. 🐼
John: What's 9+10?
Jake: 21