One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
Short Jokes
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
If all the class are straight but you think that someone is hiding that he's gay, you're an investiGAYtor.
What do people have that orphans don't? A family.
I would curse at you, but my country praises cows.
How cool is NASA?
Not cool at all.
Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for "poo."
Just.
Old.
Killer.
Epigrams.
What did the dumb kid call ratios?
A type of cereal.
Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.
What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.
You get a deep voice, you shit talk to 5 year olds.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
Don't ever wanna fuck a dude!!
My teacher: Time can't count.
Me: Every second counts.
My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!
Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
Yo mama so skinny, she choked on a SINGLE STRAND OF SPAGHETTI!