Short jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
Why don't the giraffes go to elementary school? Because they are already in high school.
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
What can hold anything on the moon? A crater.
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"
The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I'm in school lol.
What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?
"It didn't happen, but it should have."
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
Chicken
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.