Short jokes
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
I love my family when they're buried alive.
Why is 6 scared of 7? 7 8 9.
Seven ate nine.
Davin is a pedo.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks?
At home.
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
Max Alexander Heart is adopted.
Evan David Sandri is gay and he is adopted.
"Hi, my name is Robert. I have no life. Even my PS4 username is gay lil_bama."
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?