Short jokes
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Summer wasn't too bad either.
"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."
What is 9+9? 18.
What is 9+10? 19.
What is 9+11? -2996.
9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.