I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
Short Jokes
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.
What do you call my IP? 74.125.224.72 hahahahahahahahaha
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
Stephen Hawking died because his wheelchair couldn’t run Windows 10.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
What does your mum have in common with your dad?
They are both men.
What is the difference between a human being in the car?