Short jokes
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
What is the Twilight series about?
A girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.
What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?
Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.
Why does nobody talk to the letter G?
Because it's always in the middle of awkward!
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.
What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?
Hopscotch.
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
This is WPBS-TV. We'll pledge-break soon — thanks, viewers!
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.