Short jokes
Guess what?
Good guess.
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
Why are mountains very cold?
Because they are very cold.
What's black, anorexic, dumb, and will never get a girlfriend?
Me.
Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
What is a definition of tight?
A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."
I impaled my son with a pitchfork...
He looks very sharp.
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
My life...
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
Why is the homeless homeless?
Because it's homeless.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.