Short jokes

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To die on the other side.

Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.

Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.

What do you call a broccoli 🥦 when it’s a ghost?

Cauliflower!

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

Pee.

Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?

Mom: Shit, I don't know...

Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Dad: That's my boy's!!!

Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.

I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!

This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.

What did the squash say to the tomato?

Ketchup!

Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.

Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.

Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.

It runs in our jeans.

Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?

'Cause she can't watch her mouth.

A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.

I had to fix his collarbone.

Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"