Short jokes
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
What is Uludağ made from? Dog pee!
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
What did the builder say after the foundation?
"Employees!"
My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.
Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.
"Come on, take the camera!"
"Isn't it clear?"
"Well, look!"
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
What do gay Minecraft players do?
Stare at their big blocks.
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.
Heh.