Short jokes
Explain bear.
What has four legs and works at McDonald's?
The remaining members of Nirvana.
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.
I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.
What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?
One is hope and the other is soap.
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
What do you think of the Bill Cosby movie?
Netflix and alcohol.
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
Phone: YEETED.
TikTok: DELETED.
Therapy: NEEDED.
Wife: BEATED.
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"
Responder: "Please hang on!"
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.
Is skin picking self-harm?
Cause I'm red all over without a razor.
I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).
My boat is super fast, so I named it Usain.
Usain Boat.
What do women and appliances have in common?
If they don't work, hit them until they work.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one!