Short jokes
What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?
Go shoot up the school.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Roses are red, I have no money, I want to be dominated by a goth mommy.
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
"Know, know how there."
"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What do you call a Censor with Autism?
A Censorspaz.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
What is a redneck's favorite sock?
A red sock.
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.