Short jokes
As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.
Because we couldn't afford a dog.
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Nobody: The crickets in the back: Talk talk talk.
Me: JOE MAMA OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Nononono.
Your (DYM 6).
Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.
Jessie?
When I give you the signal, I want you to roll down your window and call the oncoming cyclist a prick.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Akeld." "Akeld who?" "Assfeild!"
"I AM NOT PETER GRIFFIN!"
Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!
"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"
Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?
'Cause he was in need of a light snack!
Yurrrrrrr?
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.
So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."
The Chaaaaaaaaaampioooooooooons!