Short jokes

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?

A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?

They both have red circles on their bodies.

When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?

When it's not raining.

Why does nobody talk to the letter G?

Because it's always in the middle of awkward!

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)

Bleach!

Does that dick match that forehead? 👀

Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?

A: They couldn’t go straight.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your laughter's melody, Makes my world anew.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.

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I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

Me: Which WiFi are we on?

Coworker: Should be floor 89.

Me: What about flight 104?

Coworker: Oh crap!

"Room, you on."