Short jokes
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.
I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.
When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
Your mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, it only got rid of weight.
What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?
"Nunya business!"
What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.
My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"