Short jokes
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
If water makes you laugh, then jokes make you pee.
My puns are awesome, pure gold.
What did the baseball player say to the bassist?
Nice baseline!
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
Stand? Wait. No.
What phone do orphans have?
An iPhone 10R.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of the knickers!
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Bender.
"Out of the way, I need to Caterpie."