Short jokes
You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
Your hairline is so big, it distracts me from your face.
People thought they were going to another country till they saw terrorists were flying the plane.
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
Why is 19 afraid?
Because if you add 400 to it, it’ll be next to 420.
Why do people hate Velma now?
Because she joined the Dark Side.
The Kardashians are just hyper realistic Barbies.
Why are chickens so funny? Because...
Just looking for a cunt...
Oh hello, found one.
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.