Short jokes
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
Just do it.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.
"Say what you want about the deaf."
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.