Short jokes
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Guy on Fortnite: "Ima sleep with your mom lmao."
Orphan: Starts crying.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,
Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Nutty.
Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?
God chose Plan B.
Why the "hell" is this here?
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.