Short jokes
The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."
Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.
Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite football anthem?
You'll Never Walk Alone.
At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
Rory Burrows is dyslexic.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
That's caketasic!