Short jokes
What Stephen Hawking doesn't know about wheelchairs isn't worth knowing.
Rory Burrows is dyslexic.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.
Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.
Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
What do you call Scooby Doo with a blunt in his mouth? Scooby Dooby.
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
What do you call a movie about an orphan?
The Bat Man.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Let's rock and roll!
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"