Short jokes
Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
Why did the kid get grounded? Because he was always lion.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
Stand in the corner.
Why didn't the octopus get a tent? Because it had tentacles.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
Helen Keller def faked it.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"
So I threw my dictionary at her.