Short jokes
I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)
What did Kobe say to the helicopter?
"Don't crash!"
Explain Bear, girl, you're tripping.
Why can’t orphans go to jail? Because they aren’t wanted.
Why did the Titanic cross the road?
When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."