Short jokes
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
You pecan do it!
Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?
What do Rubik's cubes and melons have in common?
They have a history of separating colors.
When is a cold not a cold?
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.
Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
The emo kid tried to give me a handshake. Sadly, I left him hanging.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.