Short jokes
Friends, gather here.
Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”