I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
Short Jokes
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.
I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!
Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.
I ate a man because he was dead!
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
Why did the kid get grounded? Because he was always lion.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.
If Carlsberg did wheelchairs...
Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite football anthem?
You'll Never Walk Alone.
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.
