Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
Short Jokes
I'm jealous of the people who never met you.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Have you met Bofa?
Bofa deez blind kids!
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.
I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.
Niall Devine, clown.
What are 8 people hiding in a corner because they're scared?
An octopus.
Abigail Brynn Welch is not funny.
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
My dick harder than stone, man.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
Helen Keller def faked it.
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
