Short jokes
What makes a software developer feel rich?
Their cache.
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
¿Qué hizo el cartero enojado?
Estampó su feeeeeeet!!!
I'm dead inside.
What is the best type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Don't scare me! I poop easily!
CHABI CHABI CHAB CHAAAAB!
When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
Why couldn't the boy go see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated ARRRR.
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
What did one ballsack say to another?
"You stay here, I'll go pee."
Have you ever felt an earthquake? It’s not nature; it’s Brandan Bressler.
What do you call a cow with stuff growing on it? Moscow.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
What runs but does not walk? It's water.
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.