Short jokes
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
I'm not transphobic. I just want transparency...
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
What did the other wave say to the other wave?
"Nothing, they just waved!"
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
Don't free Britney!
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Are you a Pikachu?
Because you are SHOCKINGLY beautiful!
Pokemon
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
I have (I HAVE) bolas.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!