Short jokes
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
What did you call a school that got blown up?
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
I go beep like a Jeep.
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
Why do orphans look at a house for so long?
'Cause they never had one.
So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Just kidding!
Hi dude!
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
What do you call a flying pig?
Fiction.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Who is the coolest vegetable?
Rad-ish, of course!