Short jokes
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
Like if you think rape jokes are funny.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.