Short jokes
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
Call me an escalator because I let people down.
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
Like if you think rape jokes are funny.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.