Short jokes
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
Call me an escalator because I let people down.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Like if you think rape jokes are funny.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."