Short jokes
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.