Short jokes
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.