Short jokes
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
Your mom gay.
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
Justin Bieber
Rape jokes aren't funny.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
Oh my god, she hit me with a bat,
'Cause she was transgender.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.