AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Short Jokes
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Why can't the orphan go on a field trip?
Because he can't sign the parent's signature.
What is the postman's favorite fruit?
Water-mail-on.
Kid: Dad, where do you work?
Dad: I.C.U.P.
Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.
An alligator is in a class, turns out he likes teaching!
Uranus caught a 3-meter flatty while surfing. Check the tail still kicking. Deadly, my bruz!
Hi, I'm the wicked wiener!!!
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
I love orphans. They're precious.
I go beep like a Jeep.
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"
Yeestt?
