Short jokes
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
How do you eat a meat?
You steak it in your mouth.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?
It doesn't know jack.
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”
What is green and blue?
Grass and the sky.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
Why did the koala cross the road?
To get to the big tree.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.