Short jokes
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
Why did the butt smell so bad? Because he didn’t have a nose! AND HE FARTED TOO!
The granddaughter wanted to see granny. She killed herself.
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
You really gay. No questions added.
Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
Roses are red, lilacs are purple, I have a turtle, his name is Squirtle.
You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.