Short jokes
Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
Do you know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"?
No, it screeches.
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
What is long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!
You smell!
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
A boy went to a genie and said, "I want to be like Batman."
He went home, his parents weren't there.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Parental guidance.
What do emo kids have in common with orphans?
They both depress'd on the inside.
I'm offended.
- Liberals
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.