Short jokes
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
What is the plural of goose? Geese.
What is the plural of foot? Feet.
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ain't meese!
She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
Why is the Tower of Pisa tilted?
Because it had more reflects than the Twin Towers.
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?
Chopped Junior!
Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
What do you call a fat man that has a stomach shaped like an egg?
Humpty Dumpty!
Why didn't the two 4's feel like dinner?
Answer: Because they already ate.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.